


'Till it happens to you

by B99fangirlnextdoor



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, CH 3 is graphic and fts suicide, Cute, F/F, Freak Outs, Love, Nightmares, Promise, but it's cute, injuries, mindfullness games, reassurance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-01 22:19:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17875889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B99fangirlnextdoor/pseuds/B99fangirlnextdoor
Summary: Rosa wakes up in a blind panic following a nightmare.Luckily for her, Amy's right there





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a prompt work, originally requested in my drabbles section, but I felt it was too dark. This might be completely shit. I've no idea.
> 
> Comment, kudus and prompts always appreciated.
> 
> Just a heads up - it features F/F rape

**Hands up...** cop **.**  
"What?"  
 **I said hands up. Good girl. There we go.**  
"I'm not a fucking dog!"  
 **Easy there, just relax**  
"What are you doing? Get your fucking hands off me!"  
You **really want to go there cop? We can do this the easy way, or the hard way.**  
"OW! What are you do- No! Get off me!  _Rosa?_  Not there. _Rosa? Wake up_. Get them off me!  _You're okay._  Please no. _It's okay._  No.  _Wake up._  No. No! "

Rosa sat up, tears streaming down her face as she gasped for breath.

"Rosa? Rosa, what's going on?"

Amy reached for her girlfriends back "Hey... you're okay... just relax."

Rosa's head shot up

**Relax.**

"Just relax, you're okay; I'm not going to hurt you."

From the darkness, a hand reached out, coming to a rest on Rosa's shoulder.

**Stay still for me; there's a good girl.**

"I'm not a fucking dog!"

"Wha- OW!"

Rosa's hands tightened around the throat of the threat, nails piercing the skin in the most reassuring manner.

"Rosa! Ow! Let go of me! What are you doing?"

**I said stand still. Stand still!**

"Rosa, please! I can't breathe properly!"

**Shut up. Scream again, and I'll knock you out and fuck you that way, understood?**

"Rosa..."

"Amy?"

Rosa blinked a few times, sniffing back the dripping snot that ran down her cupid's bow. Realising her hands were tightly coiled around her girlfriend's neck, she instantly released, wiping her eyes dry with her sleeve before fumbling around in the dark for the light.

"Amy?"

Amy lay unconscious, blood dribbling from half crescent shaped wounds Rosa had left on her skin.

"Amy!"

With one graceful sweep, the duvet was pushed onto the floor as Rosa dashed out of the bathroom, through the living room and into the kitchen. Fumbling through the cupboards, Rosa found what she was looking for. She grabbed it before charging back to where Amy lay, slowly regaining consciousness.

  
Rosa ran straight to her girlfriend, throwing the first aid kit on the bed next to her, flinging it open as she fumbled around, looking for bandages.

"I'm so sorry Amy."

Amy's hands travelled up to her neck; the realisation of what had just happened hitting her.

"It's okay. I'm okay."

Grabbing a bandage, Rosa hurridly pressed it against Amy's neck.

"No, you're not. I hurt you."

"Hey... no need for tears."

"What if I didn't realise in time? What if I..."

Rosa shook her head as she sat back onto her heels, wiping her eyes furiously.

Amy sat up, dabbing her sore neck with the bandaging as she rested her free hand on Rosa's knee, only to have her pull away.

"Rosa? What's going on?"

Rosa growled at herself, punching her leg as she looked up to the ceiling, blinking rapidly to fight the tears back, her chest expanding rapidly.

"I'm so sorry Amy. I'm so fucking stupid."

Amy grabbed Rosa's fist, holding it up firmly "Hey, hey, hey, don't hurt yourself..."

Rosa yelped and pulled away, jumping to her feet and heading over to the far corner of the room, punching the wall as Amy desperately begged her to calm down. She'd never seen this in Rosa before. She looked almost... dangerous. Sure, she was threatening towards most people anyway, but Amy knew Rosa would never hurt her.

Except for tonight, apparently.

But panicking wasn't going to help anyone. She had to do something, and fast.

"I think this is a panic attack."

Amy waited for the smart ass response, but none came. Rosa kept punching the wall, screaming obscenities to herself as she made sizable dents in the plaster. She was probably going to give Ms Huerta next door a heart attack if she didn't chill out. Should she call the cops? Or was the flashing lights and noise going to make it worse?

Amy decided to ask Rosa. She was, after all, an adult. Standing up from the end of the bed, Amy held her hands out in a 'stop' fashion as she crept towards her girlfriend.

"Rosa? Rosa, look at me."

It was if Rosa couldn't hear her.

Amy winced as Rosa pulled her fist away from one particularly sizeable dent, leaving blood embedded in the wall. She had to do something. Rosa was going to hurt herself if she didn't act now, but at the same time, Amy was scared. She just wanted this to be over already. To have her girlfriend back.

Amy turned to look at the phone on her bedside table. She couldn't call the cops. They'd probably freak Rosa out more. Everyone was likely to be asleep this time of night and could take a while to get here, but maybe if she managed to handcuff Rosa she could afford to wait? That was probably going to be the best plan.

_"Rosa. Rosa, can you hear me?"_

Rosa continued to punch the wall, as she sobbed, ignoring her sore knuckles.

She hurt Amy.

She was so fucking stupid. Letting herself believe a dumb nightmare was real.

_"Rosa, can you give me your hand?"_

  
Rosa blinked. She wasn't a fucking invalid. She knew what those cuffs were for. She didn't want it. Where was a damn knife when you needed one?

_"I'm not going to hurt you; I just want to make sure you're safe."_

Rosa shook her head, pulling her arms away and frantically scanning the room for an escape. But then there was a sharp pain in her stomach. It hurt like a bitch and sent her muscles into a rigid spasm, which only hurt more. She could feel herself collapsing to the ground, yelping in pain, but she couldn't do anything about it.

* * *

  
Amy dropped her taser and ran to Rosa's side. "I'm so sorry Rosa. I didn't want to hurt you, but you were hurting yourself, and I was scared, and I didn't know what else to do because you wouldn't let me cuff you and I just..." Amy sniffed and wiped her eyes.

 

She had to remain calm.

Apologising frantically wasn't calm.

 

Turning around, she pulled her duty belt closer to her, tugging her handcuffs free. "These are just handcuffs okay?"

Rosa tensed as she felt the cold metal tighten around her wrists.

**There we go, maybe next time you'll think before you try to hit me, hmm? You're not going anywhere now sweetie. You're mine. Stand still like a good girl, and you might even enjoy it...**

*

"Rosa?"

"Rosa, calm down, they're just handcuffs!"

Amy jumped back as Rosa's foot narrowly missed her eye. She really had to call Jake. Turning around, she snatched her phone off her bedside table, perching on the end of the bed as she clicked on Jake's name.

"Hmmmf?"  
"Jake I need you to come to my apartment. Something's wrong with Rosa."  
"That's just how she is Ames."  
"She woke up screaming, tried to strangle me, then beat the crap out of the wall until I tased and handcuffed her."  
"You sure you're not dating Pimento? That sounds like something he'd do..."  
"Jake please!"  
"Fine. I'll be there in 10. But you owe me. Try not to let her kill anyone in the meantime."

Amy stared at her struggling girlfriend as Jake hung up. She was going to be covered in bruises in the morning. Pulling the duvet off the bed, Amy lay it over her girlfriend "There you go. Your own private little den." Rosa settled a little, panting heavily as she sobbed. "Want me to stay?" Rosa shook her head. She wasn't a baby. She could look after herself. Amy nodded "I'll wait outside. Call me if you want me, okay?" Rosa didn't respond. She just lay there, crying and gasping for air. Amy hated to leave her like this, but she had to respect Rosa's decisions.

* * *

 

"Hey, Jake. Thanks for coming. She's through here."

"Anytime. What exactly happened?"

Amy shook her head as she closed the door behind her friend. "I don't know, exactly. I think she had a nightmare. She was screaming stuff in her sleep, and then she woke up and just grabbed me."

Jake froze. "What was she screaming?"

"I can't remember. Something about not being a dog I guess."

Jake nodded and jogged to Amy's bedroom door "In here?"

"Yeah."

* * *

 

Rosa was laying on the floor, under the duvet in the corner of the room, trembling as tears streamed down her cheeks. When she heard Jake, she wanted to scream and lash out, but her body was heavy and numb.

"Hey... Rosa." Jake sat down next to her, but didn't try to touch her "What's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"You're not fine, and that's okay. I just want to know what's wrong so Amy and I can help."

"Fuck off, Jake."

"Can I see your hands? They look pretty sore."

"I'm not a fucking child, nor am I stupid. You don't have to talk to me as if I'm brain dead."

Amy forced a small smile from where she was stood in the doorway "There she is."

"Could you get me the first aid kit, Ames?"

"Already have it." Amy approached the duo, grabbing the first aid kit off the bed before crouching down on the floor next to them as she passed the green box to Jake

"Thanks."

*

Rosa didn't whimper or cry as Jake cleaned her up, although it did sting rather badly. Amy stayed with them, rambling on about random things like binders.

"This one's pretty deep. I say we take you to the hospital, Rosa."

"For fuck's sake. It's a tiny cut. I'll live."

"Please Rosa? I'll do all your paperwork for a week?"

"You hate paperwork, and you suck at it."

"Yeah, that's true. Well, I'm out of bargaining chips. You got anything Ames?  
  
"Jake, can you give us a minute?"

Jake nodded and left the girls to it. He had a feeling he knew what they would be talking about and he was confident he didn't want to hear it.

 

* * *

 

Amy didn't want to bring it up, but at the same time, she heard Rosa scream a few things, and she couldn't bring herself to wait. Once Jake was safely out of the room, she took a deep breath and just went for it.

"Were you... sexually assaulted?"

Rosa groaned, rolling onto her back and draping her arm over her face before nodding.

For a second, Amy fell very still as she tried to control the anger that was quickly bubbling up.

"Was it by an inmate?"

Rosa shook her head

"A guard?"

Rosa nodded

"A man?"

Rosa shook her head, tears beginning to fall.

Amy felt guilty. She wasn't sure why, but something didn't feel right.

"Is that why you don't want to have sex?"

Rosa shook her head. There's a pause before she expands.

"I want to. I just can't get her out of my mind. Every time you touch me. Kiss me. I just see her. I know its gross and creepy, and it makes no fucking sense because I didn't want it!"

"It's okay. I'm sure that's normal."

"Normal for what? The girl who got raped? I'm not some random clueless moron. I'm a fucking cop. I've taken down men twice her size. I was in jail. There are fucking security cameras everywhere. It wasn't meant to happen, not to anyone, but especially not to me."

Amy bit her lip, not quite sure what to say in response to that.

"What can I do to help?"

Rosa shook her head, wiping the tears away as they began to fall once more. 

"I can look after myself."

The duo sat there for a long while. Amy was still in shock over what she'd been told. There were too many feelings. Anger. Fear. Frustration. Sadness. Rosa's hand was dripping blood onto the carpet.

"I'd really appreciate it if you'd let me take you to hospital. We could get a number for a therapist?"

Rosa shook her head furiously "I'm not a fucking head case, Santiago. I'm not 'broken' and I don't need to be 'fixed'.

"I know, but you need help." Amy gestured to her neck "This, this isn't normal."

Rosa growled, rolling her eyes as she sat up "Okay."

"Okay?"

"That's what I said, Santiago. Let's get going. Might be able to catch a few hours of sleep when we get back if we leave now."

* * *

"Rosa?"

  
"Rosa, you're okay."

  
"You're safe. You're here at home with me."

  
Rosa sat up, sobbing to herself as Amy hushed her through it, plumping up the pillows behind her girlfriend.

"Lie down."

Rosa did as she was asked, clutching her pillow and her nails sink into it.

As much as Amy wanted to cuddle Rosa, she knew better than to touch.

"Open your eyes, Rosa. What do you see? Five things."

Nothing.

"Five things, Rosa."

"You. Pillow. Duvet. Bed. Wall." Rosa gasped in between sobs

Amy bit back praise, knowing that would only make matters worse. "Four things you can feel."

"Wet Pillow. Bed. Duvet. Tears"

"Three things you can hear."

"You. Sirens. The neighbours boning."

Amy stifled a giggle. "Two things you can smell."

"You. Coffee."

"One thing you can taste."

"Blood."

Okay, that wasn't as good, but it was at least something. Amy watched Rosa as her sides heaved, nails digging into the pillow so much it was probably going to burst.

"It's okay. You're going to get through this, okay? I'm here. I'm not leaving. I won't let anything bad happen..."

* * *

  
Forty minutes later, and Rosa was retching inbetween gasps into a plastic bag Amy held up for her.

Amy glanced at the clock - 4:52 am.

"I'm going to get your rescue meds, okay?"

Rosa didn't respond, instead focusing on not getting vomit all over the bed and trying not to pass out.

*  
"Okay, here. Antiemetic first."

Amy kneeled onto the bed, clutching what looked like a tampon applicator in her left hand, and a blister pack in her right. Rosa reached out with one hand, clicking her fingers in a way that said 'no fucking way are you doing this for me' sighing, Amy handed the odd-looking contraption to her girlfriend, watching as she momentarily lifted her head from the bag, stuck it up her nose and sprayed, coughing instantly before promptly throwing up again.

* * *

 

5:02 am.

Rosa was lying on her back; arm draped over her face as she gasped for breath, unable to stop reliving what happened. The only good news is she'd finally stopped throwing up.

"Alright. That's an hour. Here." Amy passed Rosa a bottle of water and the blister pack.

Rosa hesitated. She hated her rescue meds. She hated the way she couldn't go into work after using them. Or drive for 24 hours. She hated the way they made her feel entirely out of it and therefore weak. Anything could happen. Amy would tell her 'it's okay, nothing will happen' but nobody expected anything to happen the first time around.

"It's okay; I'm taking the day off to stay with you and make sure you're safe."

Rosa lifted her arm off her face long enough to stare at Amy. In the nine years, she'd known her; she'd never once taken a day off sick. Not even that time she got flu. Which proved to be terrible news for the rest of the precinct.

Nodding, she sat herself up, fiddling with the blister pack Amy handed to her. Placing the little pink tablet on her tongue, she swallowed it down with a swig of water that tasted... sweet?

"You should drink all of it. I mixed up a rehydration solution so you wouldn't get dehydrated."

Rosa smiled through her tears. Just a little.

Oh fuck.

She was in love.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rosa has a flashback in broad daylight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may or may not be shit. I needed to get it out of my system. I know Rosa doesn't sound or even 'feel' like Rosa here.

"I really like these..." Amy picked up a set of multicolour binder tabs, tracing her finger over them "... But they aren't strong enough." Rosa nodded solemnly, as Amy set them down again, trying not to roll her eyes or chuck the tabs at the cashier so they could get out of here already. Ever since Amy found out a new stationery shop had opened just across from the precient, Rosa had found herself and her girlfriend spending their lunch there every day. Sometimes twice. It wasn't a large shop by any means, and Rosa didn't understand why Amy insisted on going there every lunch when she could list the stock off by heart after the first visit. Unconsciously sighing, Rosa shifted her weight onto her left leg, making Amy look up from the notepad she was currently flicking through. "Sorry Rosa, I forgot I wasn't alone, this shop just has a way of capturing me..." Rosa raised an eyebrow "Right. Let's get out of here."

"Where did you want to eat?" Rosa shrugs, eyeing all the open restaurants around them as they walked down the street together. They all look nice, but she's never been one for food. Amy pulls out her phone "Why don't I text Boyle? See if he can give us some suggestions?" Rosa snatched Amy's phone off her "No! He'll insist on coming with us and make us go to some weird restaurant where they serve sheep brain or whatever. Plus, I want some time alone for once." Amy nodded, slipping her hand into Rosa's as she gazes up at her girlfriend "How long have you wanted to get me on my own?" Rosa pauses for a second, her heat fluttering annoyingly fast as her chest tightens.

  
Taking a deep breath, Rosa forces herself to smirk as her eyes sweep over Amy's body "A while..." There's a short gasp before a suddenly dizzy Amy closes her eyes and flops against Rosa's chest.

**Stay there. Don't fucking move. Got it?**

Rosa instinctually moves to immobilise the threat, grabbing its hair and throwing it up against the nearby wall as it cries out in a mixture of fear, surprise and pain. She holds it there firmly as it squirms, growling.

_"Rosa! Rosa, it's me!"_

_"Hey! Hey! Let go of her!"_

Rosa feels strong arms gripping her jacket, her hair, hauling her back off the threat.

_"Are you okay? Do you need me to call someone?"_

She feels... distant. Her heart is thumping wildly in her chest, but everything else is going in slow motion as she's dragged to the floor, arm pinned painfully against her back so hard it feels like it's going to break.

_"Let go of her! You're going to make it worse!"_

She can't move. She wants to. So desperately. But her body is refusing to obey her orders.

_"NYPD, Step back, I'm her girlfriend, she's got PTSD. Just let go of her, please!"_

No fucking way is she letting this happen again. She can't. She just can't. Rosa closes her eyes and puts every single ounce of energy she has into getting free.

_"Whoah, whoah, whoah!"_

  
Must escape.

  
_"Do you have cuffs, officer?"_

  
Must escape.

  
_"No, that's going to make her worse. Just let go and stand back."_

 

This isn't happening again.

 

_"Alright, can everyone vacate this area?"_

She's not letting it.

 

_"I'm so sorry, Rosa."_

* * *

 

"Rosa?"

"It's okay. You're safe."

Rosa's body feels like it's just been... oh.

"Just take nice deep breaths for me."

Rosa's eyes flicker open. Amy's knelt on the concrete beside her, blood trickling from her nose and forehead.

"I hurt you..."

Rosa sits up, tears welling in her eyes, but Amy protests, holding her hands out in a 'stop' fashion. (She knows better than to touch.)

"Hey, hey, hey, I'm okay. Just lie down for me."

"No. No, you're not. I hurt you. Where's your phone?"

"Rosa."

Rosa glances around her, noting the small crowd gathered a few meters away "Did you drop it somewhere?"

"Rosa!"

Rosa glances up briefly.

"I'm not hurt. It's just a little nosebleed, okay?"

"You're hurt. This isn't okay, Amy. Why didn't you beat the crap out of me? Why didn't you protect yourself?"

Rosa leaps to her feet, making Amy jump a little as she also staggers up.

" I'm so fucking stupid."

"No, you're not. This isn't your fault."

"Sit back down and call the cops. Tell them I assaulted you."

"I'm not going to do that Rosa. What happened wasn't your fault."

"Yes, it is. I don't deserve you."

Rosa eyed the busy road alongside them. She'd hurt Amy. She didn't deserve her. She was wrong. She was broken. This wasn't right. She couldn't keep going around hurting those she loved.

Amy turned around to a tall man and mouthed 'Ambulance' at him as she wiped the blood from her cupid's arrow - that certainly wasn't helping matters.

"Rosa, come away from the road."

Rosa didn't move.

"It's okay, Rosa, you're safe. I'm okay. Just come away from the road."

Someone from the crowd began to edge slowly towards Rosa, who appeared to be frozen as she stared at the passing traffic. Amy held out her hand, knowing that Rosa could easily drag them into the road. This was on her.

"Rosa? Can you tell me five things you can see?"

  
"Rosa?"

  
" _Please_?"

 

It was the sob in Amy's voice that made Rosa turn around and step back from the road as Amy steadily approached her.

 

 

"That's it. You're okay. Can I touch you?"

Rosa nodded; too tired to argue as her legs buckled underneath her. Amy fiddled around in her purse for her pack away blanket, opening it up and wrapping Rosa up, pulling her trembling body against hers.

"Close your eyes."

Rosa did as she was asked, focusing on Amy's steady breath as she sunk into her body. She knew Amy wouldn't let anyone near her.

"It's going to be okay. You're safe now."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rosa can't bear to think about what she's doing to her girlfriend and how much danger she puts her in on a daily basis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!!!
> 
> THIS CHAPTER IS GRAPHIC AND FEATURES SUICIDE!

"Rosa, it's okay, you're okay..."

Rosa wasn't safe here. She needed to get away. Far away.

"Woah, woah, woah! Let go of her!"

Amy did no such thing.

"NYPD, stop!"

* * *

  
"You're okay, Rosa. It's okay, I've got you. You're safe." 

* * *

  
"Rosa, open your eyes. 5 things you can see."

"You. Cars. Feet. Road. Blood."

"4 things you can feel."

"Pain. Hot tarmac. Your hand. Your blazer under my head."

"3 things you can hear."

"You. Car horns. People swearing at us."

"2 things you can smell."

"Petrol. Burning rubber."

"1 thing you can taste."

"Blood."

* * *

  
Today was just like all the others. Something happened that caused a freakout. Rosa hurt Amy. Amy tried to calm Rosa down. It didn't work. Not at first, anyway. It took three hours, a taser, handcuffs and a fuckload of mindfulness games before Rosa could finally breathe again.

* * *

  
As Rosa came out of it, all Rosa could think about is how she had dragged Amy into a live main road in Brooklyn.

Oh, and therapy is expensive bullshit.

* * *

 

"Rosa, are you okay?"

Rosa looked up from her blank computer screen, blinking. "Yep."

* * *

 

"Nerding out again?"

Amy looked up from her book as Rosa walked into the breakroom "Hey! Reading a book isn't 'nerding out'

"Yes, it is," Rosa pulled Amy in close for a quick forehead peck, making Amy grin. Rosa hadn't kissed her in weeks.

"You're in a good mood."

Rosa nodded slightly as she poured herself a coffee. "Yep. Told you I wasn't broken."

"I never said you were." She paused, unsure of whether or not to ask "Can I kiss you?"

Rosa scoffed, turning around as she blows on her coffee "You don't have to ask, Santiago, come here."

Amy approached Rosa steadily, making no sudden movements as she gently reaches out and rests a hand on her shoulder, making Rosa roll her eyes.

"I'm not broken, Santiago, just kiss me."

Amy pressed her lips to Rosa's, hesitating over whether or not to use tongue.

Rolling her eyes, Rosa pulls Amy in against her body, her ass colliding with the table as she slides her tongue along the inner seam of Amy's lip.

Finally, Amy catches on.

* * *

  
Rosa watches as Gina perches on Jake's desk, saying something. Intrigued, Amy lifts her head from her paperwork and Rosa can just make out a surprised "What?" as Charles scoots his chair over.

*  
"We're all going out to celebrate Jake's birthday, want to come?"

Rosa glanced up from her monitor to see Amy beaming down at her. Rosa hesitated for a second. She of course knows it's Jake's birthday today, she's been planning today out for weeks. She wanted to be there for Jake. To make him happy. But, at the same time, Amy looked tired. She hadn't got much sleep since Rosa came home. The scars on her neck were bright red and all too visible.

"Birthday? What is he, six?"

"Oh, come on, it'll be fun! I'll even buy you a drink!" she pauses for a second as she takes in Rosa's stony expression "Ooohhh... I get it. I'm really sorry, Rosa, I just didn't think-"

"Santiago, relax. Here. " Rosa pulled out her wallet "Buy him a few drinks on me." She counted out $100 and set it on her desk, sliding it over to Amy.

"Woah, Rosa! Are you sure?"

"Yeah, you only turn 38 once."

"Thanks, Rosa. We can always have him around for movie night or something, right?"

"Yep, I-

"Santiago, Diaz, what are you doing 'chit-chatting'? Get back to work."

"Nice terminology, sir."

"Yes, I've been practising..."

Holt's voice trialled off as Rosa returned to stare at her blank screen.

* * *

 

"I'll see you later, okay?"

Rosa nodded, the lump in her throat making it too hard to talk. Instead, she pulled Amy in for a passionate kiss.

When she finally broke away, the lump had been swallowed. "I meant to ask earlier but I forgot, can I have your key? I've lost mine."

"Yeah sure, you okay to let me in tonight?" Amy asked, rooting around in her purse

Rosa closed her eyes as a wave of guilt hit her, before opening them, just as Amy looked up, keys in her hand. "Thanks, Santiago." She whispered, accepting the keys and pocketing them before clearing her throat "I love you, stay safe, and call me if you need help, okay?"

Amy nodded "Always."

"Alright, off you go."

Rosa watched as she joined the rest of the squad, laughing as Jake told some stupid joke and led them down the street towards Shaws.

She was going to be just fine without her.

 

* * *

 

"...Happy birthday to you, happy birthday..."

It was nearing on 11pm. Amy was not drunk. She was nowhere near drunk. Unbeknownst to her friends, she'd been drinking cranberry juice all night. She knew she shouldn't be worried about Rosa, but she was. Something just felt... off.

  
Spinning around on her stool, she glanced at Jake - who was wearing a colourful hat that said 'birthday boy' on it and trying to down 38 shots before everyone finished singing 'happy birthday'.

Amy tapped on Terry's shoulder "Umm... Sarge?"

Terry stopped singing and looked at Amy "Yeah?"

"I'm pretty tired, so I'm going home. Buy everyone a round or two on Rosa and me." Amy handed Terry the $100 Rosa had given her earlier. Sober Terry would have questioned what she was giving $100 away for, but drunk Terry just grinned "Thanks, that's generous of you."

* * *

 

Amy was a detective with the NYPD. She knew not to walk down the street with headphones in, especially at night. But tonight, she needed them to keep her mind off Rosa.

* * *

 

"Rosa, I'm home!"

Amy knocked on the door a second time "Come on, open up, you said you'd let me in!"

Come to think of it; she never did say that.

"Rosa? Rosa open the door, or I'm busting this thing down."

Nothing.

She was probably just sleeping.

Even so, Amy lifted her leg up, and kicked hard just below the lock. The wood splintered a little.

"It's just me, Rosa, I don't have my key!"

She kicked it again

"You're okay. You're safe."

And again

"One last kick..."

Finally, the door opened, revealing a dark and empty apartment.

"Rosa?"

Amy jogged through the apartment, "Rosa, it's okay, it's only me. You don't have to be sca..." Amy trailed off as she realised there was water leaking from under the bathroom door.

It's not what she's thinking.

Rosa's probably just forgotten about it.

Meds do that sometimes.

 

"Rosa, you left the wate-"

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no..."

Amy ran towards her girlfriend, who was laid unconscious in the overfilling bathtub, fully dressed.

"It's okay Rosa, just stay with me..." Amy's voice was too high and chipry and she knew it. "That's it, babe, just keep breathing, you're going to be just fine..." Amy reached into the warm red water, trying to figure out where the blood was coming from so she could stop it. "I got you, babe." locking her arms underneath Rosa's body, Amy dragged her surprisingly heavy girlfriend out of the water, trying to not look at her wrists as she lowered her to the floor, blood spurting out at an alarmingly fast rate.

  
She needed an Ambulance.

"Hey, Siri!"Amy closed her eyes for a brief second, praying her phone was in earshot.

There was a painfully long silence as Amy to her feet and opened the bathroom cabinet, grabbing plasters and bandages before rushing back to Rosa's side, lifting the first arm up.

Then, hallelujah, she heard Siri turn on with a familiar ding.

Amy breathed a sigh of relief, shoulders sagging as she ripped the covers off the plasters with her mouth, sticking them horizontally across Rosa's wounds, so they held the skin together. "Siri, call an ambulance."

"Calling you an ambulance."

Amy smiled as she wrapped a thick layer of bandages over the top of the plasters before moving onto the other arm. "You're okay Rosa. Help is coming."

"911, What's the address of the emergency?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Rapist Asshole...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning guys, this is graphic and a bit of a mind fuck.

  
"We're in here!"

  
"You're okay, Rosa. It's going to be okay. Just keep breathing. That's it."

 

* * *

 

"All agreed?"

" **No! No!** I've not agreed! Keep going... _please_. I _love_ her..."

"Miss, I'm afraid we-"

"I said keep going!"

"Time of death, 00:01."

" _No..._ "

 

* * *

 

Dear rapist asshole

You won't know this, but it's been a year since my girlfriend killed herself because of what you did to her.

I know you won't accept blame, that you'll put it on her, on your backstory, on what she was wearing, on whatever other stupid theory you and your pathetic defence attorneys can think of.

But even if you won't accept it, here's the reality: You raped my girlfriend. I don't know what you did to her, but when she came home, she was broken. Like not just a little bit. Really fucking broken. She couldn't eat. Couldn't sleep. She got too scared to walk down the street alone. She became angrier than she ever was, suddenly attacking friends and family with apparently no warning.

Then one day, she accidentally dragged me into a road because she thought she saw you. It took me three hours of diverting traffic around her, of holding her still so she couldn't hurt herself, of being sworn at, of having bottles of urine thrown at me from angry passer-biers.

She killed herself the next day because she couldn't live with what she put me through. I tried to save her, and I failed. I watched her die right in front of me.

This Christmas, I know you'll be out there, somewhere, with your family. You get to spend it exchanging gifts and messages of goodwill.

I don't.

You know where I'll be, come Christmas day?

Alone, at home, trying not to cry.

  
I still go to our favourite bar sometimes. She fell in love with me under those annoyingly bright bar lights. I sit there. Order a martini for myself. Cheap whiskey for her. And I wait. I wait for hours and hours and hours until I'm kicked out. She never comes over. She never drinks her whiskey.

Because she's dead.

And you know what, I pretend I'm okay with it, but I'm really not. I am sick and tired of waiting for her to come home. Of waiting to wake up in her arms. I know it's stupid, but there's a part of me that still believes it's just a nightmare.

  
Spoiler alert: It's not.

  
And that sucks. I am not in the least okay with it. So here's a fun fact for you - you've now murdered two people.

Congratulations.

 

 

Amy puts down her pen and looks up, reaching for the bottle of bleach.

"Amy?"  
"Amy? Open this door, now!"

Amy downs it all.

It burns her throat so badly she can't breathe.

There's a crash, just as Amy's body crumbles to the floor and her eyes flutter closed.

  
_"She's in here! Call an ambulance!"_

  
_"You're okay, it's okay, just hold on for me."_

  
"Amy?"

"Rosa!"

"Amy? I can't see you!"

"Rosa? Where did you go?

"Amy?"

"Rosa!"

"Amy!"

"Rosa? Where are you?...

... _Please_ don't leave me on my own."

 

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Rosa awakens with a start, crying hard and gasping for breath.

"Babe? You okay?"

Rosa nodded, panting "I just had that dream again."

Amy cringes a little at the memory but pulls Rosa into her arms "It's okay babe. You didn't die. I'm here. You're here, and we are going to find that scumbag who did this to you, okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you, Rosa." Amy whispers, pulling Rosa in as she lies down.

Rosa nuzzles Amy's soft raspberry scented curls "I love you too Amy."

 

  
Turns out, therapy isn't a waste of money. It saved them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought!
> 
> I was going to do a plain ol' vanilla scene with love n acceptance n everything perfect, but this was so much more fun to write. 
> 
>  
> 
> I'm making this part of a series, and I'm going to put a bunch of extras (including Rosa's thought processes around her suicide attempt) up there too. 
> 
> But yea, hope you enjoyed this weird... thing


End file.
